So life gets busy, and I don't think anyone REALLY reads this blog, except for my mom. And that makes me not want to write... or gives me excuses to be lazy about it. BUT I just joined an ornament swap (more to come later) and *gasp* I'm afraid people will look at my blog. So I'm going to try and be better at this.

Still no job, but because of that, I'm planning on going to Texas for Thanksgiving and Christmas... which is wonderful considering that when I was laid off, I didn't think I would be able to go. So yay God for working things out. And I've had some great time with some friends lately. So another yay God. =-) Now I just need to see my family. And that will be here before I know it.

life changes part 2

So nothing is settled in my life right now... and I haven't wanted to write about it/admit it for a while.
I'm still looking for a job, both here and in Texas.
I actually just found out that a job I was really interested in I didn't get. So that's fun.

I've gone back and forth for weeks about staying in Virginia or moving to Texas. And last week I prayed that the Lord would give me a sign about what I'm supposed to do by the middle of this week. So now I'm asking is this the sign I prayed for?

I mean there are other jobs that I've applied for, but I asked the Lord specifically for a sign, and today I don't get a job here.

I don't know what I'm going to do... still.

There's a part of me that wants to move to Texas to be closer to my family, to help them with their church (that's a big desire). But then I know that my life there would be so different from my life here. I have friends here that I love and enjoy spending time with. Going out late on a Saturday night to just talk and catch up. Or just to have these friends to call when I'm down. It's such a blessing. I know that I could find friends in Texas, but I know that it wouldn't be the same. At least not at first.

So that's where I'm at. Asking God if this is the sign that I asked Him for, or if I need to wait longer. Any thoughts?

what happened?!?!?!

I've been enjoying my day today. I made a new worship mix and have really been enjoying it. Church this morning was ok. I went back to a church that I used to go to, it was weird being back, but I enjoyed knowing people. It's so hard to go by yourself to visit churches. I've been wanting to check out a couple of different ones, but I always chicken out. Today though, my friend Megan and I decided to go visit one of those churches together next week. It's nice to know that she'll go with me. All the church stuff aside, I've really enjoyed my time with God this evening. I've been asking Him so really hard questions. Not necessarily getting any answers, but He's there, listening.

So as I was going through this, I remembered a conversation I had with a co-worker a few weeks ago. We were talking about church, and different denominations, and stuff. And we were talking about spiritual gifts and stuff. And I remembered one time when I was praying for a certain gift. It was when I was living as a missionary in New Zealand which has been over 3 years ago now. And I was living the life of ministry. And now that I'm back in America, I've lost that desire. I know it's still there, but I feel that I'm caught up in work and my career, that I've lost my heart of ministry. And it's still there, but it's not glowing right now... and I HATE that.

I know that I've gone through some major transitions this past year, but where is that heart? What happened to it? I can't blame my parents moving to Texas. I can't blame my strong desire to move there myself. I can't blame my dis-satisfaction with life. But I'm not sure where it is. It's in me... It's gotta be. I've pushed it aside and let my desires fill that spot I think. I HATE that! I want to be back in New Zealand exploring that life of ministry. I want to be in Texas with my family. I want to be doing ministry full time. I want... I want... I want to change this. I'm not sure how, but I need it. I need to see that heart. I need to get back to when I desired these things. How could I have forgotten those desires for certain gifts?

catch up

So my work blocked blogger, which means that I can no longer blog while I'm at work. That's why I haven't been on here for a while. It was nice to be able to write at work. It was a good way to get away from the craziness that is work. But now that I have my computer back, I can just do it from home.

Life is ok. My sister and I are good. We've talked. We've gotten together a couple of times sense the incident. We're actually spending the weekend together this weekend, being that she's moving to Texas next week. I'm still dealing with things... but in the long run am happy for her, and praying like crazy that she survives all that she's being thrown. She's going to do great!

Just got back from Miami. I'll try and put some pictures up. It was great! The beach was beautiful, The weather for the most part was nice. The hotel, and food were great. It was WONDERFUL to get away.

I just finished the book eat, pray, love. LOVED it! It's a bit too eastern spiritual for me, but I learned a lot from it, and believe that God uses various things in life to draw us closer to Him. This time He choose a book about a girl who meditates and does yoga and believes that she is god and is one with god and all that. I do recommend this book, but you must read it with an open mind. It gives some good thoughts on how to draw closer to God. She just meant herself, while I desire to draw closer to the God of the Universe. I'm still gathering my thoughts on it, so I may have more on it later.

Other than that, life is pretty weird. I'm still in that, I don't want to be where I'm at, but God's not moving me or opening any other doors, so I'm staying put. He's teaching me things. Breaking me of me, and trying to make me more like Him, which hello, isn't that the goal.

I've got some things in the works... like a spending money fast, and other things like that. I'm still gathering my thoughts, but I'm sure it'll get on here soon.

I know this was pretty random, but I'm tired and need to go to bed. It's been a long day.

emotions stink...

Last night I recieved some interesting news. It's great for my sister and family... just sucks BIG TIME for me.

My sister is moving to Texas for the summer. It's great because they'll be together. But sucks because I'm the one left here yet again.

This has brought out a lot of questions... emotions... frustrations...

Please be praying for me and my family. We've got some "bigger issues" here that need to be dealt with along with the general feelings that have come with this. It's not fun. I HATE Texas again. But what's new? I'm trying hard not to be selfish. But it sucks to be left behind. To not be a part of family things when your heart wants to be there.

I've come to the revelation that where God has me isn't where my heart is. So something about this has to change. Either My Heart needs to change... or God needs to move me. That song by FFH just came to my mind, "Lord Move in a Way that I've never seen before. There's a mountain in the way, and a lock on the door.... Lord Move, Or Move Me" . That's all of the song that I can remember right now... but it's so true in my life. I need this!!!!!!

time with friends=good weekends

This past weekend was a very "chill" weekend. It was wonderful to have nothing major planned.

On Fri night I met some good friends for dinner before they headed out of town for the weekend. Then I babysat for my dear friends who had a son 5 weeks ago. Jeremiah is the cutest, sweetest, calmest baby ever. He slept on my chest for a while. He ate, I changed 3 DIRTY diapers, it was HEAVEN. The entire time with him, I kept praying, "Lord, I pray that my kids are this great." I'll have the screaming ones I'm sure, but there's nothing wrong with praying that right?

Sat I woke up early and went to the Community Market with Faith. It was terrible to be up that early on a Saturday morning (6:30am to be exact), but it was wonderful. I bought fresh strawberries, veggies, etc. I can't wait to go when everything is super fresh! I'm thinking of having a plate of veggies for dinner tonight. =-)
Then it was home to nap and chill. Watched some of Brothers and Sisters Season 1... my newest TV addiction.

Sunday I hit up church, ran some errands then had lunch with Faith and caught up on computer things. On the way home, there was an accident and I had to go through the country to get home... I had never been this way before and it had just rained and the sun was out. It appeared that everything was shining it's glory. I was driving by the river for a while. It was the PERFECT ending to a good weekend. I can't wait to go riding down that road again. Who knows what's down there.

Nothing major happened, and it was good. Now I'm back at work. BOO!!! Miami, could you come soon?

roommates... should I?

I've been thinking a lot about getting a roommate... I've lived by myself for almost a year now, and while I've loved it in some ways... in other ways I HATE it! I miss having people around sometimes. It's lonely living by yourself. I'm glad I've done it... I've learned a lot about myself through it, but I think I'm ready to try the roommate thing again. The last time I moved in with a friend I got burned bad... and it has made me leary of it for a while. But I'm starting to think that I'm ready to give it another try.

I have now learned to NEVER move in with someone who has lived by themself for over 5 years... especially when you're moving into "their" space. It's quite the story... but basically I had come out of living in a house with 6 girls where we shared EVERYTHING... and loved it. And moved into my friends house where unknown to me, I was renting a room and she didn't like it if she got home from work and I was on her couch watching her TV. (I was told that "It would be rude of me to tell you to get off my couch and give you my remote, but that's how I feel." She basically said it right there.) Needless to say I moved out of that rather quickly.

Now I'm living by myself... and I like it... most days... but I miss having that friend to talk to when I'm getting ready in the morning... or before I go to bed. Just someone to ask how your day was... really that's all I want.

So I came up with a list of things I'm looking for in a roommate. And as I was thinking through these, I realized that this is also what I'm looking for in a man. Funny huh! These may be edited... added to... deleted... etc. But for now:

• I want a roommate who is Godly. Someone who encourages and holds me accountable. And someone I can do the same for. Someone who is my friend... not just someone I rent a room for. I would like for us to be able to hang out sometimes, but not to always have to be together.
• I want a roommate that I can be myself around. Unfortunately, I AM NOT PERFECT! I never will be. But I want someone who I can be REAL with. Who loves me unconditionally and whom I can love unconditionally. Love WINS no matter what!
• I want a roommate that I can have fun with. I always try to make what I do fun. Even the worst staff meetings where I'm about to fall asleep. My goal is to have fun in them. That's what I want. Someone I can have FUN with. (This falls under being myself, but it's super important to me.)

I've been talking with a friend about the possibility of us moving in to a new place together. And while that door isn't shut completely, I feel the Lord telling me to wait on Him. To let HIM work things out. My nature is to rush into things. "Lord this door is open so you must want me to go through it" is usually my plea. This isn't so. So now, I'm waiting. It's a good thing the Lord has me waiting on so many other things... I'm not sure I would know exactly what to do. =-)

my heart and texas...

Last week my great uncle died. He was pretty sick so we were prepared for it. It was still sad and emotional, but my parents came out from Texas for the weekend. (It was my mom's uncle and my dad did the funeral.) It was a nice surprise to see them. None of us had any idea when we would see each other...
The funeral part of the weekend was sad, but it was nice to re-connect with some family we hadn't seen in a long time.

Today was my first day back at work and I've been in an emotional rutt since I got back. Yesterday we spent the day as a family. It was the best part of the weekend. And I did great the entire day, until we drove away from the airport... leaving my parents waiting for their plane. That was the WORST FEELING EVER!!!! I HATE that my parents live in Texas. I HATE that Texas is so far away. I HATE that I'm not sure when I'm going to see them again. (This summer we hope... but still.) This makes me think... Why do I feel this way? J my sister said it perfect with, "Life is always better/easier when we're together." And that's IT!!! Life is better when we're together. This weekend we hung out, we loved on each other, and my favorite part was that we ministered together. (Each in our own way, but it was WONDERFUL!) We were TOGETHER.

Now I'm stuck with what now? I don't feel led to Texas. Yes I want to be closer to my parents, but I'm not in love with Texas. I know that where I'm at is where God wants me for right now. (He hasn't opened any doors elsewhere.) And I'm trying real hard to be happy here, but how do I deal with these feelings? Tonight as I was doing laundry, a part of me wanted to just pack up everything and move to Texas. WHY IS THIS???? If anyone has any answers please fill me in.

Yay for emotions of life and stuff.

On a much lighter note, for a pick me up, I got a pedicure today!!! I love those.

Oh and don't you just LOVE that picture. It makes me want waffles and Texas all at once.

i love my job... i love my job... i love my job...

If I keep repeating it will it make it true?!?!?!

Today has just been one of those days. There was drama with the secretary, and drama with security taking chairs that aren't theirs to take (without asking and it is for a personal party mind you!)

Oh goodness... everything is getting me upset today. I hate our security right now.

I'm not going to go into details... but PEOPLE SUCK!! And I know that means me also... and yes, sometimes I suck... but not today. It's making me cranky!!!

I just want this day to end...

Thankfully tonight is a girls night at a friends house. Hopefully it'll be fun... I need to get away from things here. It's time for a vacation. Is 26 too early to retire?

More Please

I stole this title from a friend... but it still applies to me.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about life and how I don't feel content where God has me. I keep telling the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE that I want more. I want a better place to live, I want a washer and dryer, I want a better paying job, I want a nicer car... There are so many things that I THINK I want. "Think" being the key word here. God has given me so much already... He has blessed me with so many things... and yet I still want more. What's up with that? 2 weeks ago we watched a sermon from Louie Giglio about Prayer. (It's called prayer remix and has totally changed my ways of praying). He showed us how we ask for these little things when in comparison, God has given us all these big things and we're not using them. The way he showed this was throught gifts. He had a present... one present. And talked about this being what we want from God. It was a nice present and probably had something nice in side. (Not literaly, just figuratively.) But Louie wanted us to see that God has so much more. We are asking for this one present... when actually he has a whole wall of presents for us that we haven't "opened" yet. We're not tapping into the blessings that He's given us. Louie pulled off a sheet and literaly there was a whole wall of gifts. Pretty gifts... big boxes, little boxes. And this is what has been stuck in my head and heart this week. I've been given so much already... how can I be asking for more?

But there's a flip side....

I've also been thinking about the "More Please" in another way this week. Through realizing that I have been given all these blessings from The GOD OF THE UNIVERSE!!!! It's made me want more of Him. The pastor at my church said on Sunday... "The more we get to know God, the more we love Him." (or something close to this, my notes are at home.) And that has been my hearts cry as well. I want More of Christ in my life. I know I'm not perfect... but I'm tired of this world. This world has nothing for me. (it's hard sometimes to admit, but oh so true) I want more of Christ. I want to love Him more and more everyday.

I feel like these kinda contradict each other. I need to be thankful for what I have and use the blessings I've been given... but I also want more of Jesus in my life.

Funny huh?

I really want to be here right now:



This is one of my favorite beaches in New Zealand. There is just something about this place that keeps me relaxed. Even now when it's been almost 3 years since I've been there... just seeing this picture helps me to relax. (Seriously... I even have a picture of this beach on my desktop at work.)

Tomorrow I fly out to Texas. I'm super excited... a bit nervous... and a little scared. I'm praying that God shows me a lot on this trip. I want to see my parents vision for this town... I want to SEE with my eyes how God has them there. I want to see if it's a place I could live myself. (No this is not something I'm praying about right now... but I need to consider it.) I feel like there's a lot of pressure with this trip. That's why I want to be at Piha Beach. I've got so much to do tonight... I wish my bags would pack themselves. It's pretty much all ready, I've just got to make it all fit in my suite case. THANKFULLY... my friend Andy is on Spring Break this week and offered to do my laundry yesterday while I was at work. This is my friend who could have her baby ANY DAY now... but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She knows all that I have to do... and all that I'm going through... she wanted to help. I'm blessed.

So for now... I guess I'm going to have to settle for some lake in East Texas. (Where my parents have just bought land.) I don't think it'll be the same... Piha Beach New Zealand... Athens Texas.... somehow I don't think they can compare.

Easter Weekend

This past weekend was really great! I ended up at my sisters house to have Easter with her and what I call her "D-ville Family". I almost didn't go... I had planned to get two new tires for my car on Friday, but there were some other things wrong with it, so it ended up costing me over $400 total. (I had planned on $150.) Thankfully the guy worked with me. Crazy car expenses. So I struggled a bit with the thought of driving down to D-ville, knowing that I had to drive to G-boro this Thursday to fly out to TEXAS! (More on that later.) But I went... and man am I glad I did. I had one of the best weekends I've had in a while.

When I got there on Sat, Jessi and I went and met some friends at the park for an hour or so. It was so nice just to catch up with them. They just had a baby right before Christmas and Jessi hadn't seen him yet. He's grown since the last time I saw him. We had our "baby fix" for the day, and went to dinner at her roommates parents house. Then we did something I hadn't done in YEARS!!! We dyed Easter Eggs. It was so much fun! Then we went home and played my new favorite game... ROCK BAND! Can I tell you how much I love this game. I had played Guitar Hero before... and it's pretty sweet, but with Rock Band so many people can play and you can rotate what you play. Oh goodness, I so want this game, but so DO NOT NEED IT. I would be addicted I'm sure. I stink at the drums, but am pretty decent on the singing, and the guitar I LOVE. The first time I tried guitar hero I stunk so bad... but I can honestly say I am WAY better than that time. =-)

Sunday was great as well. The Easter Bunny came to the house... then church was really good as always. Then it was back to the roommates parents house for lunch. (This is also the pastor of the church.) It was great... I felt so at home... Jessi and I just jumped in and helped cook and get things set up. There were about 20 people that came... and we had an Easter Egg hunt for the little ones after lunch, then played games into the early evening. We laughed, ate A LOT! and just had a good time.

Then it was home to Jessi's to fall asleep watching a movie only to wake up at 10:30pm and have to drive back to L-burg. Monday was a sleepy day!!!

Last night was crash and tonight is catch up/clean because on Thursday...

I AM GOING TO TEXAS!!!!! Yee Haw

I can't wait! Last night some of the ladies in my small group prayed for me and my time there. It was so sweet to have friends that have been through this crazy transition of life with you. They know how I'm going to have such mixed emotions while I'm there. They were there for the first... "Yeah, so my parents are moving to Texas" to the more recent "I hate Texas" or even "darn Texas" (except it wasn't darn there but another word instead. =-) ) While my distaste of Texas may have changed, I still don't like the fact that this is where my parents live. But I'm gradually getting over this, and hopefully this trip will help.

So this is my life right now. I'm sure there'll be more to write about after this. I'm still mulling over my emotions from a few weekends ago when I went to NC. Time heals things... at least that's what I'm praying for.

On a side note... check THIS BLOG out. It's the church that I've been visiting. Their youth group is in New Orleans this week on a missions trip. loVe New Orleans. One of my good friends is there with them, so it's neat to read about their experiences. Please be praying for them. Make sure and read Day 1. I LOVE what they do to bless the people around them on their way down. What a wonderful opportunity to show Christ's loVe.

Crankypants No More

Today turned out better than I thought it would. It started out with me not feeling so well (sinuses), to me being cranky at work, and this afternoon after work I was fine. Being a woman is so weird sometimes.

I am blessed with some great friends. Tonight we decided to have dinner and a movie at my place... and it was wonderful. We had pancakes and turkey wraps. (I wasn't planning on this, it was a spur of the moment, so we raided the fridge.) It was fun. We watched an episode of The Office, then popped in a movie. And now everyone is gone and I'm off to bed. I'm thinking the crankiness is because I haven't caught up on my sleep from the weekend. If not... maybe I can take my friends to work with me tomorrow?!?! Now THAT would be fun.

Thanks guys for a great night.

My heart right now...

I've been visiting a new church the past two weeks, and have been led into a sweet place of worship both weeks. It's somewhere that I haven't been in a while, and it's been sweet.

This song has really touched my heart this week.
(the video is ok... but the song itself is what is so great.)

Work has been going well. I'm super busy with Easter things, but it makes life fun.

I've got some fun stuff coming up in the next few months or so.

~Jessi and I are headed to NC for the weekend next week. I'm nervous, sad, and excited all at once. The last time we were at the church was with our parents and while our dad was the preacher. It'll be weird to visit Eagle Heights with another pastor. But it'll be sweet to see everyone that we love.

~at the end of March, I'm headed to TEXAS!!! I can't wait to see my parents.

~At the end of May, some friends and I are headed to Miami.... so fun!!! It's bene so long since I've been to the beach.

~And in April I turn 26... so weird.

That's life right now. So many ways that God is at work.