what happened?!?!?!

I've been enjoying my day today. I made a new worship mix and have really been enjoying it. Church this morning was ok. I went back to a church that I used to go to, it was weird being back, but I enjoyed knowing people. It's so hard to go by yourself to visit churches. I've been wanting to check out a couple of different ones, but I always chicken out. Today though, my friend Megan and I decided to go visit one of those churches together next week. It's nice to know that she'll go with me. All the church stuff aside, I've really enjoyed my time with God this evening. I've been asking Him so really hard questions. Not necessarily getting any answers, but He's there, listening.

So as I was going through this, I remembered a conversation I had with a co-worker a few weeks ago. We were talking about church, and different denominations, and stuff. And we were talking about spiritual gifts and stuff. And I remembered one time when I was praying for a certain gift. It was when I was living as a missionary in New Zealand which has been over 3 years ago now. And I was living the life of ministry. And now that I'm back in America, I've lost that desire. I know it's still there, but I feel that I'm caught up in work and my career, that I've lost my heart of ministry. And it's still there, but it's not glowing right now... and I HATE that.

I know that I've gone through some major transitions this past year, but where is that heart? What happened to it? I can't blame my parents moving to Texas. I can't blame my strong desire to move there myself. I can't blame my dis-satisfaction with life. But I'm not sure where it is. It's in me... It's gotta be. I've pushed it aside and let my desires fill that spot I think. I HATE that! I want to be back in New Zealand exploring that life of ministry. I want to be in Texas with my family. I want to be doing ministry full time. I want... I want... I want to change this. I'm not sure how, but I need it. I need to see that heart. I need to get back to when I desired these things. How could I have forgotten those desires for certain gifts?

my favorite thing of the summer so far...

is So You Think You Can Dance!!!

I've never really been big into reality television, but I'm loving this show right now. There are some AMAZING dancers on this show.

My favorite from last night are:


I LOVED their performance and am so glad they are safe. Mia is so artistic. I love what she does.

She's from South Carolina I think. There's something fun about her. I've liked her from day one.

And he's just cute. Good dancer. Good personality.

I hope they all go far on the show.

I'm not too bummed about who went home tonight. In my opinion... they were the right couple to go home.

catch up

So my work blocked blogger, which means that I can no longer blog while I'm at work. That's why I haven't been on here for a while. It was nice to be able to write at work. It was a good way to get away from the craziness that is work. But now that I have my computer back, I can just do it from home.

Life is ok. My sister and I are good. We've talked. We've gotten together a couple of times sense the incident. We're actually spending the weekend together this weekend, being that she's moving to Texas next week. I'm still dealing with things... but in the long run am happy for her, and praying like crazy that she survives all that she's being thrown. She's going to do great!

Just got back from Miami. I'll try and put some pictures up. It was great! The beach was beautiful, The weather for the most part was nice. The hotel, and food were great. It was WONDERFUL to get away.

I just finished the book eat, pray, love. LOVED it! It's a bit too eastern spiritual for me, but I learned a lot from it, and believe that God uses various things in life to draw us closer to Him. This time He choose a book about a girl who meditates and does yoga and believes that she is god and is one with god and all that. I do recommend this book, but you must read it with an open mind. It gives some good thoughts on how to draw closer to God. She just meant herself, while I desire to draw closer to the God of the Universe. I'm still gathering my thoughts on it, so I may have more on it later.

Other than that, life is pretty weird. I'm still in that, I don't want to be where I'm at, but God's not moving me or opening any other doors, so I'm staying put. He's teaching me things. Breaking me of me, and trying to make me more like Him, which hello, isn't that the goal.

I've got some things in the works... like a spending money fast, and other things like that. I'm still gathering my thoughts, but I'm sure it'll get on here soon.

I know this was pretty random, but I'm tired and need to go to bed. It's been a long day.