my toe hurts

my friend tonight told me that I needed to update my blog... so here it is.

I'm tired. I'm a bit cranky. I stayed up too late watching the Oscars with my friend Faith last night and paid for it today. And now, my toe hurts. (Not sure about the toe. Must have hit it on something.) Random I know... but it's true.

I'm headed to bed. This week is going to be a crazy. The Easter Bunny arrives on Saturday, so we've gotta get the set finished. Yay for my crazy marketing job. You never know what you may have to do from day to day.

I need a change in thinking

I had a girl that was going to work for me over the holidays just as seasonal help. When we hired her she said that she could work "anytime". My instinct said that she wasn't what we were looking for, but I thought I was being too judgmental. We ended up hiring her, but it was a big mistake. She showed up twice, and then just stopped. It started out that there was always something... her child was sick. She was sick. She had to take her daughter to the hospital. Stuff like that. Then she just stopped showing up. By that time I had taken her off the schedule so it wasn't a big deal.
(One of the sad things about this was that I didn't believe her. When you have people working for you, you learn how to read people.)
She finally brought in her keys today (2 months later). She apologized for taking too long (I have been calling her every couple of days for a while now), and claimed that when you've got an abusive husband, it's hard to get away. I didn't know what to say. I just said... "ok, let me get you that number you needed." I walked back to my office and my first reaction was to roll my eyes and judge her. Just because she's been a crappy worker, doesn't mean that she's not being honest about her husband. Where is the ministry that I've been called to? I still think she was probably making up excuses, and I was nice to her, but why is my first reaction to something like that... "liar"?
I don't have the answers to these questions... hopefully insight and change will come soon.

It's been forever since I wrote on this thing. If you read this e-mail that I wrote some friends this morning, you'll see why. It kinda shows where I'm at. It's not always easy to write about the bad stuff.

so I've been thinking about how much I don't like my job. just the stress and crap that goes on. the ways that people are treated around the office... stuff like that.
and i've been thinking about how my dream job has always been to be in the ministry. and with where my walk with Christ is right now... I'm in no mindset to be in ministry. so it makes me want to do better... to change my attitude about God and what He's been up to in my life. I've always known that He's at work, but I've wanted nothing to do with it at times.
so needless to say... i've been reminded that if my dream job... life goal is to be in ministry in some way... I've got to be preparing for it where i'm at right now. I do want to get out of this job... i don't know when... but eventually. and if i want my next job to be doing ministry... i've got to get right with Christ. (i feel like i'm saying something that my aunt would say and she's very legalistic.) BUT... I know that what i've been going through is a time of growth... something that i've needed to go through to see how much i really need CHRIST. and it's a choice of mine to allow myself to stay here... or I can move.... closer to Christ preferably...
That's where I'm at. Just wanted to share!
Thanks for listening.

Careers

wow... that was a lot... but I keep thinking of things to write about. (Man I love doing this. It's so good for me!)

I've learned something about myself this week. I've known it for a while, but didn't realize it until this week. I'm not a career person. I'm not. It's not in me, it's not a part of who I am.

I've got a friend who doesn't want to have kids... she doesn't want to be a homemaker... she wants her career. And that's cool for her.. but NOT for me!

The funny thing is... I've got a career right now. I've got to work to make a living. I don't have a husband to take care of. I've got the house (or apartment) but I can't not work and survive.

But my job is in marketing. And the people around me are all "career" people. It's not me. It's cool for right now... but I can't wait for the day when I'm able to be who God made me to be! I may not know exactly what that is... but I'm discovering more and more of it everyday.

I think this is all I've got in me for now. No... actually I'm sure there is more I could write about, but I'm going to stop. I am thinking though of letting people know about this blog. My friends and family I mean. As far as I can tell no one reads it except for me... and I write in it like I'm talking to people. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a crazy person. Who knows.

My Job and The Lord

So I'm sitting at my desk... I've got some time to kill before 5. It's so wonderful having an 8-5 job. This week has been an emotional week for me. I know it has to be due to it being my lovely time of the month, but I believe there's more to it. I've got a friend (a guy of course) who has been playing with my emotions but he doesn't know it. I'm a big girl, and I can deal with it (with God's help of course), but it's got me thinking.

I like my job, and I'm thankful for it, but there's got to be something more. My true desire is to be a wife and mother and involved in ministry in some way, but that door hasn't been opened at this time. I'm completely ok with where God has me in life, but I know there's gotta be something more. Kinda like that country song that I hate. There's gotta be something more, more than this... something like that.

I see how the Lord has me where I'm at, and that excites me. But I want more. I know that i"m here to witness to the people in my office. I'm here to work and pay off my debt so that if and when the Lord calls me to move overseas, (like my hearts desire) I'll be ready. But it's so tough. I wanna be serving God full time. And I know that I can be in my job... but again, I know there's more to it. I've just gotta be patient and wait on the Lord's timing. It sucks though.

Oh, and I HATE being a girl. Girls are emotional and analyze EVERYTHING! I love the way God made me, but I wish I could figure things out better. *sigh*