life changes...

So much has happened lately...

Recently the company I've spent the past year of my life with cut 85 positions. I was one of the "lucky" ones that lost their jobs. All Marketing Assistants were let go, along with many others, including our General Manager.
The worst part was that our office was really small, (6 people), and very much a family. I have to keep reminding myself that it wasn't RRM that did this, but CBL Properties. Yay for corporations! For the most part we're keeping in touch. I had lunch with some of the family last week and this week I am babysitting for my old boss while her mom is on vacation.

The crazy thing is that since they let James and I go, the office has gone crazy. My old boss has quit and her last day is next Friday. The new GM (who is the GM at both VV and RRM) is polar opposite from James, and very much a micro-manager. There is so much junk going on there that it honestly makes me thankful to be out of there. I mean I would love to have a job, but I'm thankful to not have to deal with all the craziness.

So now I'm stuck at a major turning point in life. Stay or Go?!?!?!
My family at work has all assumed that I would just move to Texas right away... and while that is an option... a MAJOR option... I'm still praying through things.

I don't want to just jump into something here or there. So this is me.
I'll try to keep this thing updated with how things go... but come on... honestly... I stink at updating this so no promises. =-)

I'm here...

Just some things to catch up with...

I went to Texas a couple of weeks ago and that was nice.

I've interviewed for a new job at a church, doing ministry. That's pretty exciting. Things are still being worked out, I'm still praying. We'll see what happens.

One of my close friends just got engaged. I'm so happy for her!

I'm finally home, after traveling, house-sitting, etc. It's nice to be home.

I've got a girls weekend in DC planned for the end of the month. I'm ready for that!

Work has been crazy... this week is going to be crazy. My boss and I are thinking of taking Thursday or Friday off.

I visited the new church this morning and liked it! Plus I had a great lunch with a lady from work and we sat and talked for hours.

My sister comes back from Texas today! I'm super excited about that!

I started and finished the Twilight series in a matter of 3 days. Well except for the fact that I had to wait for the 4th book... and read that one the weekend it came out.

I finally saw Mama Mia yesterday. It was cute... didn't meet my expectations... but I still love those musicals.

I love my friends. I've really had a blast hanging out with them lately.

what happened?!?!?!

I've been enjoying my day today. I made a new worship mix and have really been enjoying it. Church this morning was ok. I went back to a church that I used to go to, it was weird being back, but I enjoyed knowing people. It's so hard to go by yourself to visit churches. I've been wanting to check out a couple of different ones, but I always chicken out. Today though, my friend Megan and I decided to go visit one of those churches together next week. It's nice to know that she'll go with me. All the church stuff aside, I've really enjoyed my time with God this evening. I've been asking Him so really hard questions. Not necessarily getting any answers, but He's there, listening.

So as I was going through this, I remembered a conversation I had with a co-worker a few weeks ago. We were talking about church, and different denominations, and stuff. And we were talking about spiritual gifts and stuff. And I remembered one time when I was praying for a certain gift. It was when I was living as a missionary in New Zealand which has been over 3 years ago now. And I was living the life of ministry. And now that I'm back in America, I've lost that desire. I know it's still there, but I feel that I'm caught up in work and my career, that I've lost my heart of ministry. And it's still there, but it's not glowing right now... and I HATE that.

I know that I've gone through some major transitions this past year, but where is that heart? What happened to it? I can't blame my parents moving to Texas. I can't blame my strong desire to move there myself. I can't blame my dis-satisfaction with life. But I'm not sure where it is. It's in me... It's gotta be. I've pushed it aside and let my desires fill that spot I think. I HATE that! I want to be back in New Zealand exploring that life of ministry. I want to be in Texas with my family. I want to be doing ministry full time. I want... I want... I want to change this. I'm not sure how, but I need it. I need to see that heart. I need to get back to when I desired these things. How could I have forgotten those desires for certain gifts?

my favorite thing of the summer so far...

is So You Think You Can Dance!!!

I've never really been big into reality television, but I'm loving this show right now. There are some AMAZING dancers on this show.

My favorite from last night are:


I LOVED their performance and am so glad they are safe. Mia is so artistic. I love what she does.

She's from South Carolina I think. There's something fun about her. I've liked her from day one.

And he's just cute. Good dancer. Good personality.

I hope they all go far on the show.

I'm not too bummed about who went home tonight. In my opinion... they were the right couple to go home.

catch up

So my work blocked blogger, which means that I can no longer blog while I'm at work. That's why I haven't been on here for a while. It was nice to be able to write at work. It was a good way to get away from the craziness that is work. But now that I have my computer back, I can just do it from home.

Life is ok. My sister and I are good. We've talked. We've gotten together a couple of times sense the incident. We're actually spending the weekend together this weekend, being that she's moving to Texas next week. I'm still dealing with things... but in the long run am happy for her, and praying like crazy that she survives all that she's being thrown. She's going to do great!

Just got back from Miami. I'll try and put some pictures up. It was great! The beach was beautiful, The weather for the most part was nice. The hotel, and food were great. It was WONDERFUL to get away.

I just finished the book eat, pray, love. LOVED it! It's a bit too eastern spiritual for me, but I learned a lot from it, and believe that God uses various things in life to draw us closer to Him. This time He choose a book about a girl who meditates and does yoga and believes that she is god and is one with god and all that. I do recommend this book, but you must read it with an open mind. It gives some good thoughts on how to draw closer to God. She just meant herself, while I desire to draw closer to the God of the Universe. I'm still gathering my thoughts on it, so I may have more on it later.

Other than that, life is pretty weird. I'm still in that, I don't want to be where I'm at, but God's not moving me or opening any other doors, so I'm staying put. He's teaching me things. Breaking me of me, and trying to make me more like Him, which hello, isn't that the goal.

I've got some things in the works... like a spending money fast, and other things like that. I'm still gathering my thoughts, but I'm sure it'll get on here soon.

I know this was pretty random, but I'm tired and need to go to bed. It's been a long day.

peace

this makes me feel at peace... and I need to feel at peace right now... badly

emotions stink...

Last night I recieved some interesting news. It's great for my sister and family... just sucks BIG TIME for me.

My sister is moving to Texas for the summer. It's great because they'll be together. But sucks because I'm the one left here yet again.

This has brought out a lot of questions... emotions... frustrations...

Please be praying for me and my family. We've got some "bigger issues" here that need to be dealt with along with the general feelings that have come with this. It's not fun. I HATE Texas again. But what's new? I'm trying hard not to be selfish. But it sucks to be left behind. To not be a part of family things when your heart wants to be there.

I've come to the revelation that where God has me isn't where my heart is. So something about this has to change. Either My Heart needs to change... or God needs to move me. That song by FFH just came to my mind, "Lord Move in a Way that I've never seen before. There's a mountain in the way, and a lock on the door.... Lord Move, Or Move Me" . That's all of the song that I can remember right now... but it's so true in my life. I need this!!!!!!

texas around my neck...

totally me don't ya think?

i love urban outfitters

wish list

A fellow co-worker in my office is wearing a really cute necklace today. So I asked her about it and have been opened up to a new world of Brighton Jewelry. And most of it I don't really like. Especially their purses. Not really my style. BUT... there are a couple of pieces that I've found that look like me I think.

What do you think? I would like to see them in person before I would buy them. They're rather pricey. But it's fun to dream right?

This one makes me think of a Greek goddess. Not that that's me. But it's fun like that. Plus I've been on a long necklace kick lately. It seems that's all I've been buying in the jewelry department.

And this one just looks like me. Don't know why, but it does.

Most of the stuff on their website looks like TEXAS. Which is a turnoff for me, but after some searching, treasures can be found.

time with friends=good weekends

This past weekend was a very "chill" weekend. It was wonderful to have nothing major planned.

On Fri night I met some good friends for dinner before they headed out of town for the weekend. Then I babysat for my dear friends who had a son 5 weeks ago. Jeremiah is the cutest, sweetest, calmest baby ever. He slept on my chest for a while. He ate, I changed 3 DIRTY diapers, it was HEAVEN. The entire time with him, I kept praying, "Lord, I pray that my kids are this great." I'll have the screaming ones I'm sure, but there's nothing wrong with praying that right?

Sat I woke up early and went to the Community Market with Faith. It was terrible to be up that early on a Saturday morning (6:30am to be exact), but it was wonderful. I bought fresh strawberries, veggies, etc. I can't wait to go when everything is super fresh! I'm thinking of having a plate of veggies for dinner tonight. =-)
Then it was home to nap and chill. Watched some of Brothers and Sisters Season 1... my newest TV addiction.

Sunday I hit up church, ran some errands then had lunch with Faith and caught up on computer things. On the way home, there was an accident and I had to go through the country to get home... I had never been this way before and it had just rained and the sun was out. It appeared that everything was shining it's glory. I was driving by the river for a while. It was the PERFECT ending to a good weekend. I can't wait to go riding down that road again. Who knows what's down there.

Nothing major happened, and it was good. Now I'm back at work. BOO!!! Miami, could you come soon?