Christmas in Texas?!?!?!

So tonight I was talking with a friend, and we were talking about me making the decision to come back after Thanksgiving or stay in Texas and come back after Christmas. This is something I've been praying about/thinking through a lot lately. And I keep going back and forth on it. Why am I so indecisive? I hate making decisions about things. I'm always the last to order in a restaurant, and don't ask me what I think about something because generally I have to analyze it to give you a good answer. Sometimes it's not that bad, but most of the time... yeah, it's that bad.

I leave for Texas in a week and a half, so this is something I need to decide soon. I'm just afraid of missing a job opportunity or something. Plus my friend told me that she thinks if I go, I won't want to come back... and I don't see that happening... but could she be right?!?!?! Oh so many things to consider.

Last week at church we were given this to consider when making a major (or minor) decision.
"What would someone in my position do, if they were completely confident that God was with them?"
This question has stuck with me all week. What would someone do if they were confident that God was with them? Why am I not confident that God is with me? Sometimes it's easy to see the "right" thing to do... but what about when things could go either way?
Oh why do I have to be so indecisive?!?!?!

Thanks for listening to my thought process. Please pray that God gives me direction the first part of this week. Yeah... That would be great!

emotions stink...

Last night I recieved some interesting news. It's great for my sister and family... just sucks BIG TIME for me.

My sister is moving to Texas for the summer. It's great because they'll be together. But sucks because I'm the one left here yet again.

This has brought out a lot of questions... emotions... frustrations...

Please be praying for me and my family. We've got some "bigger issues" here that need to be dealt with along with the general feelings that have come with this. It's not fun. I HATE Texas again. But what's new? I'm trying hard not to be selfish. But it sucks to be left behind. To not be a part of family things when your heart wants to be there.

I've come to the revelation that where God has me isn't where my heart is. So something about this has to change. Either My Heart needs to change... or God needs to move me. That song by FFH just came to my mind, "Lord Move in a Way that I've never seen before. There's a mountain in the way, and a lock on the door.... Lord Move, Or Move Me" . That's all of the song that I can remember right now... but it's so true in my life. I need this!!!!!!

my heart and texas...

Last week my great uncle died. He was pretty sick so we were prepared for it. It was still sad and emotional, but my parents came out from Texas for the weekend. (It was my mom's uncle and my dad did the funeral.) It was a nice surprise to see them. None of us had any idea when we would see each other...
The funeral part of the weekend was sad, but it was nice to re-connect with some family we hadn't seen in a long time.

Today was my first day back at work and I've been in an emotional rutt since I got back. Yesterday we spent the day as a family. It was the best part of the weekend. And I did great the entire day, until we drove away from the airport... leaving my parents waiting for their plane. That was the WORST FEELING EVER!!!! I HATE that my parents live in Texas. I HATE that Texas is so far away. I HATE that I'm not sure when I'm going to see them again. (This summer we hope... but still.) This makes me think... Why do I feel this way? J my sister said it perfect with, "Life is always better/easier when we're together." And that's IT!!! Life is better when we're together. This weekend we hung out, we loved on each other, and my favorite part was that we ministered together. (Each in our own way, but it was WONDERFUL!) We were TOGETHER.

Now I'm stuck with what now? I don't feel led to Texas. Yes I want to be closer to my parents, but I'm not in love with Texas. I know that where I'm at is where God wants me for right now. (He hasn't opened any doors elsewhere.) And I'm trying real hard to be happy here, but how do I deal with these feelings? Tonight as I was doing laundry, a part of me wanted to just pack up everything and move to Texas. WHY IS THIS???? If anyone has any answers please fill me in.

Yay for emotions of life and stuff.

On a much lighter note, for a pick me up, I got a pedicure today!!! I love those.

Oh and don't you just LOVE that picture. It makes me want waffles and Texas all at once.

The Joys of Travel

I'm back!!! I got in late last night/early this morning. Something like 4am I believe. Our plane was delayed and didn't leave until close to 10pm (central time), which put us in Greensboro around 1:30am (eastern time). And with waiting to get the luggage, trying to find the ride to Overflow parking, then the drive to d-ville... It was a long night.

The original plan was for us to get in to g-boro at 11pm, then I would drop Jessi off in d-ville, then drive up to l-burg and make it to work today. That was BEFORE our plane was delayed for 3 hrs. I know... travel is all about being flexible, and you never know what could happen... but still... I was hoping for things to work out MY way. =-)

I ended up taking the day off today to catch up on rest and get unpacked. I'm glad I did. Jessi and I had lunch in a cute diner in d-ville then went home to take naps before I headed back to the burg. I'm now feeling rested and ready to head back into work tomorrow. I'm dreading it of course, but what's new. More details of the trip to come... I PROMISE!

I really want to be here right now:



This is one of my favorite beaches in New Zealand. There is just something about this place that keeps me relaxed. Even now when it's been almost 3 years since I've been there... just seeing this picture helps me to relax. (Seriously... I even have a picture of this beach on my desktop at work.)

Tomorrow I fly out to Texas. I'm super excited... a bit nervous... and a little scared. I'm praying that God shows me a lot on this trip. I want to see my parents vision for this town... I want to SEE with my eyes how God has them there. I want to see if it's a place I could live myself. (No this is not something I'm praying about right now... but I need to consider it.) I feel like there's a lot of pressure with this trip. That's why I want to be at Piha Beach. I've got so much to do tonight... I wish my bags would pack themselves. It's pretty much all ready, I've just got to make it all fit in my suite case. THANKFULLY... my friend Andy is on Spring Break this week and offered to do my laundry yesterday while I was at work. This is my friend who could have her baby ANY DAY now... but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She knows all that I have to do... and all that I'm going through... she wanted to help. I'm blessed.

So for now... I guess I'm going to have to settle for some lake in East Texas. (Where my parents have just bought land.) I don't think it'll be the same... Piha Beach New Zealand... Athens Texas.... somehow I don't think they can compare.

This Past Weekend

I went home to North Carolina... But it wasn't home. It was nice to be where things were familiar, but even that was weird. I knew it was going to be weird... but I didn't know how much.

This is part of an e-mail that I sent to a friend on Monday. It's easier to copy and paste rather than re-write it.
My weekend was good. It was WEIRD to go home. I didn't like the new pastor... he's nice and all, but so NOT like my dad. Which is fine, I know I can't expect that... but it still hurt my heart to see someone else on that stage preaching to that church. He's very quiet and NOT FUNNY AT ALL!!! He tried... but he just can't compare. My dad is one in a million. He's crazy and has the personality that can get along and reach ANYONE. This guy... well I was bored and didn't agree with some of the things he said. He's VERY traditional and preached from the KJV. Oh no! =-) And he said that rated R movies are bad. Which some are... but not all are... and I HATE it when preachers talk about things like that without giving explanations. He could have said that some are, but some aren't, it's not about the ratings... it's about what's in it. Some PG-13 movies are just as bad. Why didn't he say that all movies are bad? Not just R rated. It just made him sound legalistic to me... and I don't want that for Eagle Heights.

Being at the church made me miss my dad sooo much. At the end of the service they played his favorite song before they left... and all I could see was him sitting on the stage crying to that song. Crying because of the words... crying because he was leaving. And of course... I started crying. Not the little tears that I had cried earlier. (Yes... I cried a little when I saw the new guy on the stage.) But this time I couldn't stop. I was ruining my makeup and everything.

It was great to see the people though. I love that church and miss those people like crazy. I don't want to move back, and if I did, I probably wouldn't go there... but still... those people are my heart. They have a piece of it, you know?

Other than that... we had a good weekend. I had a LOT of fun with Jessi. And LOVED hanging out with our Aunt Becky. I love her... really I do. Sometimes she gets on my nerves, but I do love her. She made me miss my mom. We just hung out and did things you do with your mom. It was great. I'll go back to visit them soon I hope.

And the time with Jessi... sweet. I am blessed to have her as my sister. I love her!!! We laughed... talked... a lot... and just had fun. I couldn't have gone through church on Sunday without her.

That was my weekend. Mom, this is what I couldn't say on the phone. Hope it makes sense.

Deep in the Heart of Texas

I bought my first of many plane tickets to Texas today. I've still got mixed emotions about Texas and all... but I see how God is starting to change my heart. So other than the fact that it's not home... I'm sooo excited to see my parents. Where they live, the church, the town... things like this. It's not going to be the same... but I still can't wait!!! I am blessed with some of the BEST parents in the world. Mom... the end of March isn't that far. I promise it'll be here before we know it!

Me vs. Texas

So I'm not the biggest fan of the State of Texas right now. My parents have moved there, God called them there, but I hate it! I can't be mad at them, and I can't be mad at God, so the only thing I have to put my anger into is Texas. Now I know this really isn't fair to Texas, it's just a state, but still... I don't like it.

My parents have just sold their house and are back in NC for a few days to pack everything up and move EVERYTHING they own to Texas. My sister and I are headed down tonight just to have the day with them tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about this time... seeing that our last departure involved A LOT of tears on all ends. I think I cried myself to sleep for a week. I know, I'm an adult, but I love my parents. I am blessed to have such great ones. They are AMAZING and I can't wait to see them in a few hours. YAY!

I'm sure I'll have some emotional stuff to deal with on here in a couple of days. But for now... I LOVE NORTH CAROLINA!!!!!